The energy of being in general and in each instantâ€¦of being.
It is perhaps a question about immediacy: a flow of feelings and bodyâ€™s vibrational presence. Or a dip into fatigue, to be relieved by solid sleep, and the hope that tomorrow will find newâ€¦energy.
Why is this problematic? History: perhaps I was trapped by the idea that life would get somehow easier at some point.
But life seemed to become more difficult, more complicated, and I was not prepared – not mentally, not physically, not…Dreams of a fantastic future entered being, everyday.
Remember those days: depression, debilitation. I told my self I was bored. But the fact is I was waiting for something to happen.
Searching for some message, I was lamenting each moment, hoping that there was some life secret, some path of extraordinariness which would…appear, perhaps suddenly.
I was hoping that my actual life was an allegory for the wonderfulness which I felt I had been promised…
Likely to succeed! How many times did others tell me that?
What was I really seeking? Repose – I doubt it. Flattery – certainly. An easy way to becomeâ€¦ raised my hopes.
Mainly the senses of being as being vibrant, were in my mind, supinely wishing.
Now this story seems silly, removed, remote; except that I can still find it too easily, and it finds me, in odd moments.
Now, I work to find new energy. I appreciate the rhythms of days and weeks and years, try to find myself who loves being and doing. The energy of each present means being in and remaining inâ€¦each present: new and continuing.
If there is success beyond being and doing, I am certain that it means more work, not less. The reward – a now nebulous notion – is to expend in each moment, more than the necessary. I seek energy, a synergism, such that each moment creates more. …and it often does.