One day an elitist, another a maverick: what do these terms of exclusion mean that I am to understand, to change and mend the ways of my life? As a sum they say I am not right, not like I ought to be. They do not ask me who I am, or why, but hint that it would be better if I were…like them? like they think I should be?
The other day, I was labeled, called: a maverick. A maverick? Someone who doesnâ€™t do what the others do, who should be as they are and say they are, some one who is in dissent, behaviorally but not intellectually; a renegade, an insider who wants out, an outsider who wants in?
But what is â€œin?â€ Who controls the definition, the majority opinion? Why not me? Because I am a maverick! Do I not act right, think about what they think thinkingâ€™s objects are? Have I changed so that they think I used to conform; have they changed so that they think I ought to conform? Or is it that they think I do not want what they consider desirous?
My self? I am a seeker after what there is. If I am a maverick, it is to all of life. A seeker, a wonderer… And, in my most secret places, I note: They didnâ€™t used to comment on who I am not; perhaps this is to be seen as grudging progress?!