Right now I feel that my feet are like the Rock of Gibraltar, solid grounded. At the same time, in the same moment, I am loose and flaky as if the rock were thinly-layered shales, moving in any and all directions with the ease of a soft summer evening.
This condition acts itself out in my world, both doing and watching. I have more nerve than before: nerve to try new things, to take new risks, the nerve to be willing…
It is partly that I want to learn, to study what is happening in these times of the revival of religion – especially in the rising concepts of death over life.
It is as if the thinking and fears and hopes of the aged and infirm have gained ownership over life, as it has increasingly, in their own lives. It is as if women – who are the future – have lost the vitality to inspire the future.
I want to know, to understand the ideas of forever, and what then happens to each day. Where and when are the future, when impending death looms so large? Why do the ideas, prophets, and texts of the past overtake the present? Is it a search for certitude, protection from fears, a dispute over reality?
This takes my being in new places, pushing upon the powers that appear to be, to see where they yield, when they are soft or very hard, how they exist and oppose, and against what forces – perceived and real.
I want to help to recreate the idea of meaning, and of life: of living a meaningful life. Right now the urges and surges of nerve want to take on these explorations. Will I, how…can I explore such grand images?