May 2011

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A slight relief. Temperature climbs to 15 degrees Fahrenheit…above zero. A month and more below zero Centigrade. Worse to think Centigrade: life is always below zero. Here, below zero F, hurts faces, burns feet, telling us that there is no heat here. The sun, brilliant, cold as the winds blowing on facial tissues, causing tears to freeze, noses to run like sieves that freeze on my moustache like the winter monster who tells most birds to go South…they listen!

Yesterday, walking through the city, snow piled high hiding large dogs perambulating. At each corner we walked up not so small hills between streets clasped in sand-browned ice and sidewalks packed in still white snow.

We crossed the several tracks of railroad yards which house, these days, only wrecks to be repaired, and tramped over hillocks into city woods where imaginations imagine a forest of depth, the slight deception disproven by packed path of skiers and walkers who sought the same scene, break upon the clearing into lakescape’s wind driven snow packs seeming so cold in the lowest rays of winter’s sun, bathed in light, steeped in strong shadows, sit down on bench thinking of the spring and summer and fall, all leading back to such depth of winter that we can sit there only for a few moments.

Snuggled in layers of cloth and felt, we stayed almost warm, walking in the deep of deepest winter.

Trying to understand a large, even huge, thinker or set of ideas – in each next moment. A quick study!

A person – me, for example – who (tells oneself) that I can absorb so much…quickly.

A framework for thinking well in mind, some precise or particular set of issues, questions posed, poised to be answered as…when or how…they must arise. Jump-in!

Some questions take so long to understand that their study seems to go on forever before they can even be addressed. Others do not reveal themselves and one can only guess that there are points of view, perspectives, visions, experiences, denial which underlies talk and words. A quick study fallen over the edges of possibility?

A quick study: a sense, a review, a reputation that causes me to transform thought that I may understand…in just a few minutes…or may not. I am, I do, a quick study! Am I a quick study?

Quick studies are like mirrors which reflect on me; reflect what is known already. They urge me to tell myself what I know that I do not truly know; that the logic of thinking has begun; that the words have substitutes which I will find quickly, so a quick study will fill them in.

For others or in other moments, however, with no framework, no articulated logic, no substitutes – only blanks and spaces – a quick study reveals only the emptiness of what is a study, and of the person who merely wants to swallow all of knowledge without taking a breath.

I like the idea of being (called) a humanist. I try to interpret and understand the notions of humanism and being a humanist through the outlook of being a writer-teacher.

I believe that all humans are a part, each an aspect of this world in physical and conceptual senses. I attempt to take the ideas of the human condition which all of us have thought out, and get them into the minds and lives of everyone’s todays and tomorrows.

I do not merely reject spirituality or whatever visions through which life is seen and lived, but I am sure that life’s problems must be thoughtfully considered, and new analyses applied to new times.

I don’t like everything about anyone, least of all myself. It is not my wish to make anyone feel good merely by playing with their moods. Rather, I wish to praise their confidence in being able to deal with the world as it is, and will be.

I study them as persons like myself, also urged to write and teach and study, trying to walk with them and their ideas as they would peruse today’s world.

I need a great deal of privacy and down-time to absorb what is happening in some constant epochal battles with being in the world. I like to live in the words and minds and ideas of the world’s great writers, thinkers and doers. Thus, I deal in the lives and words of persons who are mostly now dead; whose words, ideas, and products such as books and musical texts have survived. I study them to see how and why they have survived, to see what and how they said, attempting to place myself in their thoughts and times; and bring them in ours.

I play their music in order to discover what they have written in it.

All this I try to tell to others, and especially to urge their own studies that it may become a useful part of their own lives. I like the idea of being a humanist, and want these ways of being and thinking to live actively and thoughtfully in our lives: toward visions of the future.